It is difficult to believe the holidays have passed once again. Perhaps you are left with a few extra pounds, insurmountable bills, or a new year’s resolution. You are also entering 2010 with a number of expectations; expectations about your career, family, health, or personal well-being. Our expectations guide us in our decision making, serving as the formula for love, life, and happiness. Often, when individuals hold rigid expectations of themselves or others, the outcome is quite dissimilar from their expectation, leading to disappointment or dismay. Conversely, if expectations are too open, individuals are likely to accept behaviors or circumstances far below their potential. So, where do expectations come from?

 

Our expectations form from a very young age, influenced by those around us. Perhaps, you remember a time when someone didn’t do what you wanted or your desire to achieve a certain goal was met with resistance. These influenced your expectations. As we mature, our expectations were further shaped by the interactions with those in which we associate. These circumstances modify our view of the world and how we interact with others in intimate relationships. I recently heard someone say, “There are no good men out there…none at all.” This belief was formulated from prior negative experiences in relationships and a series of expectations. If we hold the expectation that every man (or woman) in subsequent relationships will be a poor match, then we begin shutting doors to our own personal happiness. However, if we take a critical eye to our expectations, we might say, “What evidence do I have to support the expectation that all men (or women) are no good?” Maybe a few negative experiences with the opposite sex in relationships. Then, ask yourself, “What about positive experiences? Do others have positive experiences? What did I learn from negative past experiences that can shape my future relationships?” We begin to see that there are a number of questions we can ask ourselves that challenge our rigid expectations. This can also be applied to health, work, family interactions, and personal self-worth, among others. For instance, someone might ask, “What evidence do I have to support the expectation that I cannot lose weight?” Maybe past experiences of being unsuccessful, but “What other things could I try? Have I really been pushing myself to change? What reasons do I have to make this lifestyle change?” These internal dialogues can open possibilities, leading to unexpected, but rewarding outcomes.

 

In challenging your expectations, I recommend 3 questions:

 

Mark Twain once stated, “A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes.” I hope you can either loosen your rigid expectations or constrict your open expectations to create a comfortable balance of ambiguity and anticipation. True happiness comes when we can live from day to day, using unmet expectations as a roadmap for where we should next direct our attention. I hope each of you have a blessed and rewarding start to 2010.

 

Kenny